A letter to a dear friend

Here is a bit of a rave in response to your feeling at fault - being the cause of your troubles. It's a bit philosophical - not meant to be personal - kind of working things out for myself I suppose.

We give ourselves too much credit - we all do - for our successes and failures. The issue is how much are we creators of our experience or more importantly to what extent is the ego in control?

So here goes - the ego or 'I' is powerless and yet thinks it isn't. The 'I' that thinks it creates reality is an illusion. It's just thought - a product of thought. Thought produces the 'I". The 'I' is a servant of thought. Thought being all the learned, conditioned stuff that makes up what we call mind. There is a sense or feeling of 'I' but there is no actual thing which exists. It's never been found or located. There is no place for it except in the imagination. As kids dream up imaginary friends so we dream up the 'I'.

For those that claim there is an 'I' and it is in control, I ask where is it and how does it control anything? A thought arises - I want a lolly. That thought then stimulates should I or shouldn't 'I'. A yes or know arises. The action then follows. The 'I' thinks it is in controls. Simple observation tells me this isn't so even though I feel it is.

Does this make you and I as mind body things powerless - hell no. But when the 'I' tries to run the show then we end up experiencing powerlessness or the fake power of one aspect of thought pretending its running the show when it isn't - conditioned thought is. An aspect of thought that calls itself 'I' tries to control its source - the power base out of which it arises. Thought continues to do it's thing. The 'I' attempts to resist. It's a bit like having a foot on the accelerator and brake at the same time. It's nuts.

When things are going well there isn't an issue. When fear runs the show - not feeling so good - then control becomes an issue for us all. This is the "I"'s fuel.

I am feeling low angry depressed. Firstly where are these things low, angry, depressed etc - what are they? Secondly assuming the 'I' exist what does it use to control them - what does it have to act on them with? Does it have mental hands or what? In what space and time can it act?

When it is truly known that the 'I' has zero power to do anything beyond maybe resist, the problem is solved - that is when thought stops trying to control thought something else arises. It's not solved - it simply goes. When there is the slightest glimmer of a feeling that 'I' can do something, which is how it is for all of us, nothing much changes until the issue sinks out of awareness - until of course it gets triggered again.

And yo yo away we go till we die - it's a bugger.

Am I personally free of this shit? No! I have, however, experienced non resistance and allowing reaction in it fullness to be and the 'problem' vanishing into thin air. Now, of course, the 'I", the f...ing ego, knows this experience and so tries to make it happen. Guess what it doesn't work. It may seem to succeed but not really. It may distract us for a while but change anything of substance - of course not. It's the cause.

My answer to you my dear friend is to express yourself in words, painting, music, with others or whatever takes your fancy - let it all hang out and let it be. Let the dam be washed away - stop holding it up. Be curious fascinated interested in the games your 'I' plays. Watch it. Don't try to act on it. If you do it's just the 'I' in another disguise.

Your life is your life. There are no have to's. In your private space or with those you trust give full expression to all thoughts/feelings. Let things be. Allow the process no matter how silly or 'bad' it may seem. Easy to do - probably - well in theory anyway. But not in actuality for most of us except in retrospect. The 'I' has been around a while. It's an habituated automatic phenomenon. It's like a knee jerk. It's just a mental burp. Our brains make it happen. The whole thought process is based in physicality - conditioned reflexes of great complexity and intricacy - way beyond the 'I's ability to understand let alone control.

My personal belief is that when we are able to allow with no resistance the truth of who we are in the moment to be, love, whatever love is, is - operates us: And where love is, the ego isn't and suffering ends until of course the ego gets it act together again. With love - curiosity, interest, intelligence, exploration, discovery and newness are. Power - not power over or any of that shit - is too.

Yes a lot of our reality comes about because of who we are but it,s not under our direct control. When, however, we allow love to be, change happens to us and reality changes too but this has bugger all to do with the ego or our ability to control anything. Love happens, Change happens. It all happens. The only choice it seems to me is to resist or be the ride. And part of the ride will be storms, crap and death.

Just remember I love you no matter what - and so does - think about it - you know who. You don't have to be and do anything to please me. If I get displeased, then I have something to deal with either in my private space or with you. And when you and I are honest emotionally with each other we move into new places together. It may temporarily be difficult but not when we look back.

You and I are very special to each other but in the grand scheme of things we are of no more importance than one leaf is to a tree!! The tree doesn't give a tinker's damn if one leaf is a better leaf than another. In the grand scheme of things, you and I are insignificant specks. Yet in our little neck of the woods you matter to me and I know I matter to you.

So go with it, allow what is to be, allow change to happen and enjoy the ride because after all, what is actual, you and you and your experience, is all there is.

When shit is happening let the emotional impact of it be fully expressed - change will happen. Will you become immortal, enlightened, saved from the actualities of life? No! But you will be more at peace, more able to deal with what is - more able to die to what truly doesn't matter. What is that? Your ego and its suffering which at the moment you think is you.

You are so much more than your petty pathetic winging or crowing ego. You are life being expressed. Let your life be expressed and let it take you way beyond what you ego pretends it can offer.

I love you

your dear dear friend

PS
In some twisted way we seem to prefer the struggle to freedom. I wrote a book once my working title was Fighting To Die The Cost Of Living Is Too High. The cartoon below speaks to this a wee bit.



See you very soon - LOL and LOLs

PPS you know who this started out to. It's turned into a personal rave for me!!