Be nice to your doctors

It pays to be nice to your doctors and at the same time recognise they are human - that is, they have their bad days, their knowledge and skills are limited and for a successful consultation they need your help or in put. They aren't vets or clairvoyants. The person before you may have been a difficult individual and knocked your doc off his or her perch. Some people reacting out of fear, pain and frustration can be threatening, aggressive and angry - others can be manipulative, dishonest and unpleasant.

You want him or her on your side. He or she wants to be on yours. If this isn't so, then maybe both should call it a day.

Doctors are pattern recognisers. It's their job to hear your story, clarify it, do tests and examination. If all this information produces a pattern they know, they can respond. If there isn't a fit - then they don't know what's wrong with you and so can not respond or treat you.

Many docs have very high IQs are used to knowing their stuff and feel they should know all the time. Not knowing isn't easy for them. Lots of docs are 'helpers'. They need to help. Now if you've seen a specialist and they haven't come up with a diagnosis either, there's a problem. Your doc is having two of his or her buttons pushed. They don't know and feel they can not help.

This makes for a delicate situation. They are a maybe a wee bit reactive and maybe you are too. After all you are unwell, in pain maybe, and you are scared about what might be wrong with you.

The doc may be wondering whether there is something going on in your life you aren't talking about. Maybe you aren't, out of embarrassment, telling him all your symptoms. Maybe your personal life is a bit of a mess and you haven't admitted this to yourself. You could be underplaying your symptoms or overplaying them. Your doc is probably concerned s/he might be missing something.

This is not an easy time for both parties. Your doctor doesn't want to upset you. He or she may be holding back because of uncertainty - what they are thinking might not be right. You could get all miffy and report him or her to the dreaded HDC.

Doc - please give me your honest opinion - don't hold anything back. Give it to me!

Be prepared to hear something you don't want to hear. Don't fight the opinion. Say thanks - let me think about it if it doesn't sit right with you. It takes courage from your doctor to be forthright and honest. Thank him or her for that!

If you don't have an easily diagnosable situation, the best policy is openness and a forthright expression by both parties. Your doctor needs your permission and encouragement. If you don't give it, you may not get to hear what your doctor thinks. It's too easy for both doctor and patients to avoid the difficult conversation and all too often patients ends up on a tread mill of investigations, specialists and treatments that don't serve them well.