Some of my story.

Prior to May, this year 2006, Anaru and his misses spent a year and a half tooling round New Zealand - mainly the south island. We shall be doing this again. We had a blast. We got fit, climbed big hills, carried heavy packs for lots of hours, stopped smoking and drank a fair bit. We worked on farms. We house sat. We lived in our fifth-wheel and parked up in some stunningly lovely spots. We had the best sex of our lives.


This bird is called a Fantail. They are very friendly. Anaru feels like Francis of Assisi when they are about.


Prior to this fifth-wheel trip I worked in accident and medical clinics. Before that I was a self proclaimed metaphysician. Prior to that I was a rural family doctor or gp. And before that I worked in hospitals for six years. I qualified from Guys Hospital 1970. I am member of the Royal College of Physicians. Well I think I am. I passed the exam back in 1973 and haven't heard from them since getting my certificate.

Some folks say A and M clinics are a supermarket version of medical practice. It is easy work. This is not to say there aren't sweaty moments but it is to say that Anaru didn't have to deal with hypertension, diabetes, heart failure, rheumatoid arthritis and other on going incurable illness - he didn't have to get involved with guidelines - well not the ones that bother him today. He didn't have to issue social welfare sickness benefits - no on going patient relationships.

I ended up hiding out in these clinics for much longer than I originally planned. A bruising encounter with the HDC made being invisible rather attractive.

She looked upset. Rather than see her in an open cubicle I took her into a consult room. She took offense to something I said. I got hauled through a disciplinary process that lasted three years. The beak at the very end of it all turned to me and said I hope Anaru you have found us to be fair. I left the medical tribunal and caught a taxi. How's your day been, asks my Fijian driver. My response resulted in him digging out a box of tissues. My lacrimal glands burst forth and let out three years of emotion.

I am still effected by this encounter with the HDC. I'll blog about it one day. There is only one person on this planet who needs to avoid me. If I ever bump into her she is going to be on the receiving end of a tirade of abuse. The arrogance of it. Without ever meeting me she judged my character and took years to do so - what a farce - what a waste of $$$$s. Her well considered assessment was nothing more than a projection of her twisted mind.

While being a metaphysician I wrote a couple of books. One was all mine. I'd rewrite some of it now. It is called Creative Health. It's a good book. The other was, on looking back, mostly plagiarised. It was translated into Turkish and Chinese. It's called Creative Control. They are both out of print. I get a check every christmas for about 300 dollars from Creative New Zealand.

I ran groups - saw people for one on one sessions. The basic theme was exploration and discovery. Looking into the meaning and impact of ill-health - the emotional impact. Being with people opening up to their hidden truths is moving. Life changing. There was no money in it however - well very little. One year I made 14,000 dollars. Most years about 25. My last year I made 60.

A fence fell down, the wee Mazda 1100 was rusting and stank of damp. Grass grew in the mats. We were burning savings. I did a budget and a projection - we'd be penniless and homeless in five years. That's when I started work in A and E clinics. A huge adjustment in attitude was required.

Prior to my metaphysical days I was a GP for nine years in a rural community. A wonderful community. I love that place. I grew up there. Both our children were born there in our home. My wife and I rented a building, put an advert in the paper and waited for business.

One day an old lady placed my hand on her abdomen. I could feel a large craggy and hard tumour. "Do you know what that is doctor?" She saw me questionly screwing up my nose. "It's hatred." She was one of the many patients who shook my faith in the medical model - opened my eyes to other 'truths'. There is much to relate about those days - many many extraordinary happenings.

A week long live-in psychodrama group was a major turning point for me. The placid easy going Anaru found his own intense hatred and need to destroy - a mind jolting experience. For months after I felt renewed - a sense of cleanness, clarity and quietness. This was the beginning of an interest which I buried when the HDC got its claws into me.

Exploration, discovery and newness require a very different mindset to applying guidelines.

A few weeks back a woman from my metaphysical days returned a book with a note inside it.

" You were you know a most important part of my path and I am always grateful to you." I saw a picture of her and her family in a magazine a few days ago.

Prior to general practice I worked in hospitals for six years. I contemplated intensive Care. Got offered a job that guaranteed my future in this trade. I turned it down and left a week later.

Those moments in life - two choices and a decision to make - two very different lives to be had - this way or that.