Credit card stress

A good history from a patient makes a doc's life so much easier.

Some patients, however, are reluctant and unwilling to be open and straight or is it unable? It's like they are guarding something - keeping a secret. Ask an open question and one ends up none the wiser - floating in a cloud of words and labels that don't tell anyone anything. Ask closed questions and just when I think I am getting somewhere - poooof, it's back to square one. Closing in is not appreciated.

Living with folk like this must be crazy making. It seems they are determined to keep people out.

"What's wrong with you doc", she asks. She must have seen something in my body language. "I can not fit you into any of my boxes and so I have no idea what's the matter with you". I try to condense what I think she has told me over the last 20 minutes of fruitless endeavours. You have had a cough and fever for three months. You have been tired and lacking in energy. "No" she says, "Not exactly". I have got nowhere and I have spent way over the allotted time. I organize bloods and a chest x-ray. "See you next week".

She knows she is being dismissed - game over.

She flicks a dry fly over my nose. Bloody hell I think. If I respond to this I'll be way way over time. I can not resist.

"Do you think stress could have anything to do with it doctor??" WUUUEE! Here we go. I take the bait. She lets out more line. I am about to spit it out when she reels me in again.

Finally she spills the beans. "A few years ago I spent 40,000 dollars on the credit cards before my husband found out. He paid it all off. He had to sell his boat. We don't earn much - I am a cleaner. In the last few months I have got it back up to 7,000 dollars and he doesn't know as yet. I have to get to the post each day before he does".

Well well well.

Do you think I should tell him? I shrug and avoid answering that one. He might do her some damage.

When I was a GP in a rural community back in the 70s I came to the conclusion that most, if not all of us, are with holding from loved ones, if not all of the time, a lot of it, and this creates tension and symptoms. I am still not sure whether this leads on to disease or not but it sure as hell leads to years of tension and for some misery. It's not worth it.

When there is with holding there can not be intimacy. When with holding is habituated and automated and there is no awareness of doing it, tension will be on going and life long - unless there is a change - relationships will fail.

If I was hiding such a secret from my wife I'd be a nervous wreck - what about you?

The hiding of secrets, the holding back of who and what we are, the with holding of truth takes energy - it depletes and denies us clean access to our own life force.




The life force may be a bit scary and it may create a bit of chaos on first flush but in the long run it's way way better having it flow rather than building dams.